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Daphne Sep 7, 2006

I don't want to bore you with the details but I'm at a point and have been for a couple of weeks where life is dishing me more that I can handle, or pretty close to it! Some of the demands are physical, some are mental and all are emotional. I have no time for bears again, am stress eating like crazy and I feel like crap ("you are what you eat" as the saying goes!)

Aside from eating chocolate (I know I just took away the favorite pick me up!) or drinking...... what do you all do to "deal" when you hit overload?

lemmonbears Sep 7, 2006

I walk.....and walk......and walk.  Sometimes with headphones, sometimes quiet.  It's the only thing that got me thru a messy divorce a few years ago.  That and a good friend with a big ear to listen and a big shoulder to cry on.

Hang in there!  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Joan

Just Us Bears Sep 7, 2006

I don't know Daphne...I really don't but I'm sure better days must be just ahead. :pray:
God says he will never give us more burden than we can handle with His help...but I swear sometimes we are on our knees with the weight of the loads we must bear.
Sending hugs and prayers to you.
:hug:  :pray:  :hug:  :pray:  :hug:  :pray:

BootButtonBears Sep 7, 2006

I always try to make sure I just look at one day at a time if things are not going well.  The best piece of advice I was ever given was "nothing stays the same forever", and if you just try and cope with one day at a time, hopefully, gradually, each day will improve a little.  When you are at stressful times, there is absolutely nothing wrong in consoling yourself with little "naughties".  Gosh, if chocolate can't be used for medicinal purposes - whats the use.

Daphne Sep 7, 2006

You should see my knees!!!!! :pray: I know He's watching over me and that I'll get through it all.
"There's nothing that you and I together, God, can't handle!"
"This too shall pass."
"What doesn't kill me will make me stronger."
Oh, I have lots of little chants I repeat over and over.
But sometimes I just feel like I'm going to lose it anyway... that's when I need a stess reliever!!!
It's that being strong on the outside, ready to crumble on the inside thing.

Walking sounds good!

Daphne Sep 7, 2006

Christine, more good advice.... hard for one who is always 'looking at the big picture' to do but very good advice! I tried that today. I had a huge task to undertake today. Normally I'd be thinking about all the other things I had to do once finished with the task at hand. But focusing on the here and now felt good for a while. I'll have to practice doing that more often!

Aleta - The Silly Bear Sep 7, 2006

Dee, 
When I am at my absolute end, I sob.  I don't cry.....I sob.  Deep from within, down to my toes, through my whole self, I sob.  It is a place I very rarely visit.  When I learned I had cancer, I sobbed.  When my father-in-law was dying from cancer, I sobbed for God to take him from his suffering.  I also scream into a pillow and rant with a sob.  I scream at God.  Yes, I scream at God.  Not something I'm proud of, by the way. 

I am the caretaker of my family.  I have to be strong for everyone, but sometimes even the strongest bend.  You don't always have to be strong.  When you're alone with God you can bend, and scream and sob.

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough spot.

Warmest and biggest bear hugs,  :hug:
Queen

jenny Sep 7, 2006

The trouble for me when headaches come  is that I am not religious so I can't turn there because I can't be a hypocrite either. So I chew my sisters ear off..and my husband and anyone who will listen.

If it's a specific problem than I research and find out as much about it as I can to try to rationalise and inform myself. When my little grand-daughter had a problem earlier this year I had the worst weeks of my life waiting for tests..we just talked and talked and cried...and when it was all ok my husband said we were ridiculous jumping the gun and getting upset...but my way is to weigh up every possible outcome and prepare myself for the worst and the best.

The only good thing is that I don't eat....can't eat....!!  I also have to occupy myself so I do make bears..and tidy up!!

Shelli Retired Help Advisor, Banner SponsorSep 7, 2006

When things get overwhelming I find the best rescue is just to STOP.  No matter what needs attention it's not worth my sanity or my health.  So it's those moments that seem the least suitable for a pedicure that I have one... that I go to a movie and immerse myself in it completely... that I spend the day driving three or four hours away from home just to "get away from it all" in EVERY way possible.  It's amazing how refreshing just one long day somewhere entirely ELSE can be for the soul.  It doesn't have to be expensive.  It just has to be NOT AT HOME, where the pressures build.

The other thing I do is remind myself that I can only do one thing at a time.  And so I do that one thing.  And then the next, one thing.  And pretty soon I've gotten through ten things and I feel successful, and less burdened.  And that's step one in terms of relieving myself of all that huge burden.

Last, these are the times, more than any other, when it's important to use that small but powerful word:  NO.  Or, if it makes you happier, the kinder gentler version, which is:  I'D REALLY LOVE TO, BUT REALLY, I JUST CAN'T.

Let me know if I can lend you an ear or a hand.  In the meantime, you have my friendship and support!

Take good care.

kassiebears Sep 7, 2006

Hi Daphne dear,

I don't know what  to tell say only because I don't know the deals. But, I can tell you this dear heart. Hug what you love the most and take a really deep breath and let it out very slow. It helps me. For me it is my animals and it is just wonderful. You know what it is for you. 

hugs kassie

p.s here is an example: I was out with our new baby horse and I lied down with him and was feeling very overwhelmed because we have our wild ride coming up this weekend. (that is our bull riding event) Anyway, I do not want to leave him for two days and was feeling very bad about it. I would stay home if I can't get anyone to stay here to watch over him, but my husband depends on me to run the event on the VIP and the general grounds side of the event, so I have to go.  So, I was down in his pen tonight with him and his mama and when he lied down I went and lied down with him. I lied down a long side of him and I put my arm around his little neck and cuddled up behind him on in his bed of straw and shavings and but my arm around him and took and very deep breath after a bit and said to him. "What ever works for us little Texas, that is what I will do", and then let out a very deep breath.
Meaning what works for me - feeling good that I am able to provide a safe and happy place for him until he is older.
boy, would that have not made a great "Horseman magazine" picture with me cuddling baby and mama stand over top of us. No picture was taken because my hubby was asleep. Don't the most amazing things happen when no ones is around. *HINT*

hug kassie

psichick78 Sep 7, 2006

Daphne.

Meditate. I cant stress that enough. Get a book or something to teach you how. Although God is very powerful to those who believe, sometimes we just need to look deep within ourselves, the answer is there, I PROMISE you.

Please, i help alot of people in times like this. Need some help don't hesitate to email or PM me.

sarahjane Sep 7, 2006

Daphne I know exactky how you feel, and don't really have any great advice. Just take it one day at a time and try to remember that nothing lasts forever.....talking to your friends always seems to help... :hug:

All Bear Sep 7, 2006

I'm a walker.  I take myself out of the situation ... even just a short break helps.  Walk in the fresh air and keep walking until you're good and tired.  It really does help clear the head and give you the strength to carry on when you get back!

Good luck!!

Jennie Sep 7, 2006

Daphne, I'm sad to hear that life's not treating you kind at the moment! Just like you, I have had a rough time too and my "painkiller" (besides chocolate...) has been taking one day at a time. Try to do something that makes you happy each day! It can be eating food that you like, renting a movie, or just anything! And every morning when you wake up, try to come up with just ONE thing that can make (or WOULD make) you smile.

Hope you will feel better sooon. Here's a cake for you:  :cake:

melissa Sep 7, 2006

Oh Daphne, I feel for you and I don't have a lot of practical advice ...funny I was just talking with someone else today about my coping strategies.

I totally agree with Shelli - STOP - that's the most vital thing.  I have a medical condition that results in me getting bone tired...literally.  For ages I would push myself to keep going - the nature of my work is very time sensitive and my colleagues aren't able to pick up the slack as they have their own work.  But I finally came to realise that if I went in to work on those rock bottom days, I achieve virtually nothing.  I spend the day obsessing about how tired I am and how if I take time off all this pressure will only get worse.  but you know what?  It's not true - because on those days that I feel like that, I don't actually get a heck of a lot achieved because Im too busy worrying, so finally I've learnt to take a day off and if I get anything done all well and good, but if I don't hey thats ok too.

Also, if you start worrying about something, especially when you're trying to sleep and you just keep obsessing about how much there is to do and forgetting things - get up - write it down and tell yourself you'll deal to it in the morning (or next year or whenever!).  It sounds mad - but sometimes telling myself (out loud in the middle of the night!) that I can't deal with x right now as it's the middle of the night but I can deal with that in the morning actually works.

And finally - along with letting yourself stop, indulge yourself with something.....something as well as chocolate.  I was having one of those days in the weekend.  I am trying to pack to move house, I have bear orders I need to make, work is hectic  and I had a crap birthday - on Sunday I totally indulged myself and didn't do a single one of those things.  I played with my card making supplies and made greeting cards, went out for coffee with a couple of friends, and watched a sappy dvd.   I still achieved stuff, but it was stuff for me and this week I've got so much achieved at work, my mood is a hundred times lighter, yes I'm still tired and my blood levels are pretty low, but my spirit feels way lighter (and I sold 5 cards on Monday so even that wasn't a total waste of time!).

Please take care of yourself....I wish I could be there and do something for you (anything I can do from the bottom of the world - just let me know!.....might have to send you that new zealand chocolate sooner rather than later!  )

.

Eileen Sep 7, 2006

:hug: Daphne, you're carrying a huge burden on two little shoulders :hug:

When I was going through my worst times, I was beyond any human help. I just prayed for strength and hugged the dogs and/or walked.

This is no time to give up your treats . . . you'll worry off the calories anyway!

carsoncreations Sep 7, 2006

Dearest Daphne,

So sorry to hear this year hasn't gotten any better for you.  Trust in God, it will get better.  I think everyone has offered excellent suggestions to help you through the rough time.  Just remember to be kind to yourself by whatever means and that you are loved.

I just had to post something to repay you for your kindness when my world was turning upside down.  Thankfully, my situation has gotten much better and with the Grace of God we are on the road to recovery.  I know it will not be smooth sailing, but I have the Faith that everything will be okay.  Just knowing that someone else sincerely cares about you makes a big difference, and you made that difference with your messages to me.

You are in my prayers.

Hugs,

Wanda

Daphne Sep 7, 2006

Thank you, everyone, for you wonderful suggestions and support.

So, today I'm taking a loooong drive to the beach with a good book, box of chocolate, a cheerful friend who will listen, a pillow to punch and scream into and box of tissues to mop up the tears!

Ok, I'm not but it sounds interesting!!!

We all have our struggles, challenges and down right misearble lots in life to get through. Just hearing or remembering some of the things that many of you have been through puts that all into perspective. Of course then I feel guilty for wallowing in self pity.... something I don't do too often! But I'm human, so there!

I shall take time to go for a walk today and spend a little extra snuggle time with the dogs. I'd really like to 'hide' in bed today with both of them and SLEEP!!! But alas, the demands of the day can't wait! Maybe next week??? The one thing I've not had a problem with is sleep. Rarely do I have a problem doing that. It's my coping mechanism actually.

I seem to post about the crappy things going on in my life a lot this year.... as Wanda said, it's just not getting any better. But I do it because you all are my friends and have diverse philosophies, advice etc. but all are loving and compassionate and I know I can count on all of you! Each and every one of you has something to offer that helps me through whatever it is and you have no idea how much I appreciate that! Thank you!!!

I have no excuse not to have a better day today!! I'll let you know how it goes!!!

:hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Shari Sep 7, 2006

Heartfelt hugs Daphne and if you need a listening ear, I'm here! :hug:   :hug:
The gals had lots of good advice and I know I will use it also. I can only add music!! Whatever strikes the mood at the time and as loud as you can get away with.   If you can sing along it also helps. I sing badly but with loud music and no one around, who cares  :redface: 
  Hope you feel better soon Daphne  :hug:   :hug:

Jodi Falk Sep 7, 2006

Daphne,

Just take time for you... get plenty of sleep, eat better, exercise if it helps. Clear your mind.Keep praying...GOD IS LISTENING !!! There must be something you are susposed to learn....I don't know what is going on but I do know one thing that I have learned. WORRY WILL NOT CHANGE THINGS !!! And The MONSTER of worry is always bigger than what you are worrying about so don't waste time worrying or thinking on that bad thing that gets you down. None of us are promised tomorrow so .... live today as if it were your last !! Hug the ones you love, let the house work go TAKE TIME FOR YOU. And I know you love making your bears , try this.... make one just for you , a happy bear one you will keep to remind your self to smile. If you are a child of GOD with Jesus as your savior nothing can harm you.None of us leave this earth alive but those of us who are GOD'S children know where we are going. And how COOL is that ? I will pray GOD'S peace upon you today......open your arms and take the gift !!! Keep the faith. If you ever want to talk with just me PM me , You are my sister and I care !!!

                                                      Jodi Falk

Jennskains Sep 7, 2006

Daphine,  Trust me I know what you mean.  When I get angry I walk until I can go any more For the rest of the stress Pray and meditate.  Oh and a good puching bag works too. :hug:

Eileen Sep 7, 2006

I seem to post about the crappy things going on in my life a lot this year

:hug: Dear Daphne, some years are just crappy years--take it from me, I've lived through a lot of them!

It's hard for take-charge people to get through situations that can't really be changed, but you will.

If nothing else, these bad times help us to appreciate the sunny days, the perfect moments and the plain old comfortable ruts when nothing particular is happening at all.

rufnut Sep 7, 2006

Hang in there Daphne, just look after yourself when you can and remember to take some timeout for you, look after yourself and your family, just remember they do appreciate your love and support. 

I am hoping things will take a turn for the better for you.  :hug: Thinking of you and sending big hugs across the pond.  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Dilu Sep 7, 2006

Awww DaphneDoll,

I do the chocolate thing, of course, but then after a quick prayer for strength I begin to think about how much I love life, and how much I have been blessed.  And I look around at my life's blessings.

Oddly enough, I think of the people here, and think how much richer my life has been because YOU, as well as so many others here. 

But there are a few here,  who I know are having a problem or two and I pray for them.

It's odd.

If I pray for someone else- I feel better.

And if all else fails I cry-which stops up my sinuses, and I have slippery stuff running down my face, which is really gross, and the gollies start laughing at me and Kathleen, the Grandame of all the bears and gollies, ( Poor thing does her best to keep them all in line) says "tsk tsk....now you've done it, you twit!"  But she says it very nicely.  So then I can laugh at myself, because sometimes the magical world is more real than the real world, and then  I

GET A GRIP!

Of course I was already asleep when you posted....but honey I shall say a prayer for you today, knowing, that today shall be better for you.....no matter how bad it is someone is watching out for you.....don't ever forget that!

with most sincere gollylove

dilu

shantell Sep 7, 2006

:hug:   :hug:   :hug: