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Strange BearsHow do you cope with derogatory comments made on your work?
As an artist I found this at times funny and at others rather depressing when collectors comment in carrying voices while in front of your stand on your work.
I got really angry at one show 7 years ago when I first started needlefelting and this was really new in Australia. One other artist and myself were the only ones in a show of about 150 artists to have this type of bear. Well 2 deaf and mute collectors were going round. They saw Penny first and made horrible faces and hand gestures to indicate to each other that they thought the bear were not good, she instantly ran to my table to warn me. So sure enough they got to my table and started the same act......but I had written a note telling them that I "understood" ever thing they were saying and I thought their manners were very ignorant.......they went bright red and moved on.
This was and other comments made by others about my bears was bad enough but..........
Anyway today I am doing The Stitches and Craft Show, which is large and my stand is for Australian Bear Creations, of which most of you know I am the new editor. Anyway this lady was looking through he current issue while I was chatting to another lady and I was saying I was the new editor and I had changed quite a few things and other bits of news about what would be changing and up coming events. The lady finally moved away and I glanced at the other lady but he was looking at the mag....finally she turned to her friend and in a loud voice said......"I bought this on holiday last week at XYZ and it's a total waste of money I wouldn't buy it again! "
I really just didn't know how to act.......though I felt like telling her she wa a vicious bitch. I just walked to the other end of the stand and left her, then I turned around and she was staring straight at me with a real smirk on her face.
Eventually I just said "Well I'm sorry you don't like it what would you like changed?" her answer "Well I think it needs a new editor who understands bears for a start."
My answer "Well you can always tell my bos if you like, here's his email."
How do you cope with collectors and others who take enjoyment from being downright rude at others artistic expense? Be it about your bears or other ventures?
BrisbaneOh no Sandra what a horrible thing to happen...I think you did exactly the right thing. I think that people like this woman are usually jealous of other peoples success and it makes them feel better is they tear them down. By the way I love the new issue...I only just got it 2 days ago and have already read it from cover to cover. :hug:
Past Time BearsOh, I think there are some really rude, insensitive people out there who say stupid stuff like that to see if they can get a rise out of you. They delight in seeing if they can make you uncomfortable or embarrassed. I think you reacted very well under the circumstances. If these people see that they can't bother you with their comments, then they haven't "won". Several years ago at a show, some lady walked up to my table and pointed at one of my bunnies and said, "That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen . . . what is it?". I just laughed and covered the rabbit's ears and said, "Don't say that too loudly . . . you'll hurt Brenda Bunny's feelings". Just don't let 'em see you sweat - so to speak. I read a quote in the newspaper yesterday that made me laugh. "If you don't want them to get your goat, don't tell them where you hid it."
Posts: 1,836Only advice I can give is: Ignore them. That basic bit of info every mom tells their kids and it works! When a person is tactless and confrontational as this women was there is nothing to do other than to ignore. It keeps you professional and in control as they walk away internally spinning from not getting a reaction from you. The only reason a person would do what this woman did is to get a reaction. If you give her none...you've won. 
:hug:
~Chrissi
Delartful Bears:hug: :hug: :hug: Ooh no - that is just terrible. I am so sorry that this woman acted in that manner today! This just totally blows my mind.
I have never had any bad remarks - which is really good because I'm not sure how I would take it!!!!!! It would hurt a lot!!!!!
I think you handled yourself really well - I think she was out for a fight, and wanted to tare someone down - SHe's jealous of you!
Danni
Im stunned that someone could be so outright mean and nasty! Its one thing to have an opinion, yet quite another to voice it so boldly!
I honestly don't know how I would have handles the situation, but I must say you handled it with great tact and professionalism! Touche for you!!!
Bear Hugs,
Kim
Newcastle, OntarioSandra,
It's amazing that you were able to handle the situation with such grace, even though you must have been livid inside - well done! You deserve a medal, because I would not have been able to do that, I don't think.
I always disliked doing shows, because as many nice customers as I had, there always seemed to be one miserable one as well. It always made me nervous. I do MUCH, MUCH better behind the safely of my compter, where I can edit myself LOL! There is just no excuse for that kind of rudeness.
hugs,
Brenda
Dolls N DreamsYou handled it in the right way. I can't believe how rude some people can be. Shame on her!
WienSandra, oh what an upleasant situation!
I guess I´d have reacte the same way, maybe just adde a wee " weel, everybody´s free to have their own oppinion".
And that´s just what it is: there´s nothing that everybody likes; you won´t ever please everybody.
But as Sue Ann already mentioned, there are people who get their only delight in being rude to others.
Don´t let them spoil your fun! It would not have helped starting a discussion with her; you would have lost.
I´m already curious for the first edition of Austalian Bear Creations, and then I´m gonna tell you what I think!
Sue Ann, your answer was great! I wish I could come up with answers like this in an instant!
Gaby
Flying Fur StudiosI just ignore it,
just this saturday, I was out for lunch with a collector that had bought one of my bears. I put the bear all nice in a nice box etc and as we were at the table she opened it. Just then the waiter came and exlaimed " What on earth is that? It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Is it supposed to be a rat? "
Can you imagine? Sure he didn't know I made it, but it looked like a gift.
So my collector politly tells me she paid alot of money for this rat thank you.
The nerve of some people, they feel soo bad about themselves, this is the only way they can get some satisfaction I guess.
Matilda Huggington-beareWell since the mag has a new editor It maybe worthwhile buying it again. (wicked grin) 
Rufnut Teddy'sSandra, Gosh that was an awful thing to happen, I admire how you dealt with the situation, good on you. Some people are just so rude. Some are worth ignoring and others need to be told.
Honestly you are doing great work with the magazine, keep your chin up, and keep working at it. :clap: :hug:
Hope all goes well for the next few days. :hug: Hope you got lots of support for the comp?
SanguineCreationsSome people seem to just get pleasure out of being nasty to others. It's called sour grapes. You are probably doing, what they can't.
I've never been to a Teddy fair, but I've lived long enough to meet such rude people. I've had a lady point to my first baby in a pushchair and declare loudly 'that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen' and then she laughed (cackled) and I had the same sort of thing done at animal fairs, where we had ferrets on a ferret rescue show (educating the public)
I react one of two ways, depending on how 'strong' my confidence is at that point. Either I ignore such remarks but stare into the womans face while remaining silent or I ask (calmly with a pleasant look of concern on my face) them "why they like being to hurtful and nasty?" " Do they get pleasure out of it or don't they realize how rude they have just been?" I found most look embarrassed or say sorry with the second response.
I love the SueAnn's quote "If you don't want them to get your goat, don't tell them where you hid it."
Strange BearsI find it amazing that so many of us have had similar experiences at shows.......we all think that teddies bears are so nice and that the people who are involved with the industry are so nice too. It is such a shock to come across someone nasty.
I know I feel vulnerable as an artist at shows......it is your heart and soul that you are putting out there and to have someone remark on "ugly' creations or how they "dislike" it etc is literally soul and self esteem destroying.
It is clear that the "Nasty" remark people are getting a "power rush" by doing this but as someone who has been on the receiving end I also know how paralysing hearing these remarks are.......but what we really really don't need is these people putting us off doing shows.
I know this morning I really wanted to cover everything on the stall and run away for a while.......but then I decided she was just a vicious bitch.......and I wasn't going to let her get me down.
Also there was also some really lovely collectors and artists who have gone out of their way to come up and say Hi and give me encouragment on the mag.......
And to all those who have had similar rotten experiences.....really .....so we get 10 nice ones to 1 rotten one.......so why let the one rotten one count more than 10 nice ones.......which is what I was doing.
I know we are hanging out there waiting to get kicked and bracing ourselves for it.....we need to let our ego and self esteem do a 180.....and I'm finding this much easier to say than do ....by the way.
But........ damn it ....I'm gonna give it a good try
Posts: 8,574As we have learned, in our meandering through life, many people can be mean spirited without knowing the whole story.
Others can jump on the band wagon just for the sheer fun of it all. amusingly odd but true.
And many others can out right lie about things while smiling, knowing that they are causing quite the ruckus.
Because that is what they want to do, cause a ruckus.
The key to this is integrity. Have you integrity or not? We all recognize it when we see it. And we know that women like the one you described haven't got the integrity to get through life without causing problems
I think you handled your situation quite admirably.
But most importantly I think you showed a confidence in your self and in your work as an editor. Confidence is crucial. And you completely diffused the situation. Good for you!
I have had several men in my professional life tell me the one thing they find the most appealing in a woman is confidence.
OK, maybe they were psychologists, and maybe they lived in their head, but still, the point is: Confidence can be quite alluring.
For those of you who have seen the on going commercial segments with Kirsti Ally for Jenny Craig: The lady has a ton of confidence in her ability to pull the commercials off, all the while loosing, at last count 75 LBS.
How many obese actresses would have the confidence to go on TV and do commercials for a weight loss system?
She did and she did it with
ha! Fooled you:
Style and Flair and Integrity and Attitude-and what a great attitude.
Chin up Madam Editor- this woman wanted to hurt you and you certainly didn't let her, Nor did you let her "see you sweat" as Sue Ann said.
If you handle all your crises this way you are going to do smashing!
dilu
Kim-Bee BearsSome women (and men, not leaving them out LOL) can be SOOOO catty! I would just say focus on yourself and if they are artists as well, they will spend more time talking and being nasty while you are doing what you love.... it will all come back around to them (it always does... Karma is a biotch!) LOL :crackup:
Some people just are nasty, like bullies in school, they try to burn out your candle to make theirs glow brighter but if others see the way they were acting and they are a bear artist, chances are, their sales will go down... I have already bought an artist's bear and when I realize what they are REALLY like, I won't buy anymore or if I find out how an artist is BEFORE I buy their bear, I wont buy it (a lot of my collectors tell me that some artists that they have bought from are nasty or rude or think they are high and mighty)... their is really something to being genuine and nice and people and collectors can see that....
:clap: :clap: Well done for dealing with the situation so well!!!
I agree that it is soul destroying for people to be critical of our work. I think I would have burst into tears if someone had been that nasty!!
I have only really ever had comments on my prices!! I exhibit alongside my Mum at a number of dollshouse and miniature shows, and people will often pick up one of my bears, examine it, and then comment loudly to their friend that they don't understand why it is so expensive. Now my bears are priced between about £40 and £60, which I personally don't think is too expensive!! I comforted myself by knowing that I know best (and as do my collectors), and that the comment came from ignorance rather than an attempt to be nasty. You just wish that people would keep their voices down!!
OT slightly: A quick bit of info from my real job - I work as a sign language interpreter, and would love for people to bear in mind that a facial expression that we would see as being negative, is not neccessarily so when used as part of the grammar of sign language. Not that I'm denying the people you saw signing were being derogatory - but I would hate for people to have hurt feelings unneccesarily! I regularly see deaf couples going round bear fairs, who will generally assume that no one can understand them (which is true within most of society), and will have an open discussion about someone's bears, stood right in front of their stall. (which can be amusing for me, who can understand them perfectly!!!) There is not usually any intention there to be nasty!! Ok, I'll get off my soap box now!!! 
Kingfisher Farm Teddies and Folk ArtYes, the best advice, dont engage them. They want a fight. They enjoy being sadist. Dont even make eye contact. " Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it!" Pam
ToadBriarThere's a difference between not liking an artwork, & being an obnoxious jerk.
There's plenty of art - bears & otherwise - that doesn't ring my bell. It doesn't mean
it isn't GOOD - I mean, I don't like the flavor of lobster either (& it isn't the lobster's problem!)
I should think it's realistic to acknowledge, as an artist, that our work can't connect to *everyone* -
I mean, whose problem is it if I like pointy noses but you make round ones (or something?)
That's what makes it so special when a piece really touches you! But sane, sensible people can
walk by quietly without having a tantrum that something in the world exists which doesn't tickle their
fancy.
I think the hurting comes from nasty, deliberate people who surely know you've poured heart & soul
into your art, & they relish trashing it all the more. You work in mohair & stitches, their medium is
words & venom. Presumably they get the same high off of their efforts as we get from doing ours.
Then of course some people are just careless, loudmouthed dopes, but these usually get embarrassed
when they realize you can hear them. Maybe the lesson will stick & they will be discreet in their opinions
in the future, but probably not. Some people are just bulls in china shops when it comes to manners.
In another forum, far far away, someone was pleading for advice on how to get through the holidays
while visiting their very, very dysfunctional family. The best advice they received was this: the entire
time, think of it in terms of gathering material for the stories you're going to tell when you get back.
I'll tell you the same - the worst examples of human behavior DO make the best stories.
You gotta laugh, if you can!
Best of luck :hug:
Posts: 1,836I'd like to clarify what I meant by "ignore them". When I suggest this I don't mean literally turn your back on a person at your 8 foot table or to pretend that they're not there..that would be kind of an odd situation and probably make you look like the loopy space cadet in the end!
You handled the situation perfectly in diffusing her comments with professional responses to her questions/"concerns". Rather than stooping to her level and granting her the heartfelt or emotional response she sought from you (or anyone), you "ignored" her comments and spun them to the positive professional.....you won!! There are other times when the literal "ignoring" is priceless.
:hug:
~Chrissi
Canna Bear PaintGreat quotes from Sue Ann and Pam :clap:
Sanda, is it possible the nasty lady was a friend of the "old" editor? Sometimes people just take their feelings out in inappropriate ways. I think you responded well to her.
Have I been really lucky at shows? I can't think of anyone saying anything really nasty about us or our bears! (Or maybe I have just blocked it from memory already, which is possible.) I have heard people make general comments as they walk past, like "I don't like bears with turned down paws" (OK, fine), or "I don't like real fur bears" (OK, fine). We usually have enough different looks / styles on the table though that, in theory, even if they hated one they could find another that they didn't hate AS much. LOL.
I guess the most ridiculous thing I've had said regarding any one of my creations was actually here. I made a cat once and put it on eBay, this was quite a while ago, and someone said that I was "trying to be Mary Holstad". Huh? I was trying to make a cat that looked like a cat (with so-so success for my first cat), and not like anyone else's. I also did not present it in a manner which mimicked anyone else's presentation, nor did I have an unrealistic price tag on it. Sometimes, people just need to get a life.
Edited to add: Come to think of it, I've wanted to work more with that prototype ever since I made the first one (2005). And it was that stupid comment that made me not want to go back to cats. Maybe I need to make another one just to spite people like that. (Or to have something to hit them over the head with.)
Cheers,
Kelly
MerBear OriginalsThere is no accounting for some people's rudeness. You handled yourself with grace. I know for myself I would have been speechless at such rudeness. I would suspect, like Kelly, that she was probably an acquaintance of the old editor - it sounds like it was a deliberate set-up.
Marion
Back Road BearsSome people are very judgemental and critical and make sure you know it.
Some just don't know when to bite their tongue or LOVE to hear themselves talk.
Some may be having a bad day, have health issues causing unhappiness or are on medication that alters their ability to act properly or may be having problems with a relationship.
Some may be too busy talking to realize how their words effect others.
And some just love to be mean.
Are these excuses? Well, they sure aren't good ones but life happens.
As long as you know in your heart what is right and honest and true that's all that matters. You can't always convince others of your feelings or sometimes even the facts, but you have to hold your own. With some it's just not worth trying to reason with.
Everyone has their 'opinion' and right or wrong that's all it is... one person's opinion.
I wonder, as a promoter, if someone like this was basically harrassing a number of artists, would we have the right to approach them and let them know how much we appreciate them coming to the show and supporting our work but would they kindly refrain from insulting the artists publicly? I have no problem asking parents to get control of their kids who are knocking down artist's displays but this is a bit different. I've seen these types of people make artists cry, I've seen them walk around a show litterally LOOKING for something to insult. It's inappropriate and as a promoter, is it our responsibility to make a pleasant environment for all?
Sorry, I'm getting back to the show promoter's view point... but as Sandra is referring to things that happen at shows and is a promoter herself, these are very legitimate questions! 
Mikki, Cripple Creek Creative...My Dad always said "Consider the source.................."
Mikki
I echo everything Kim/Toadbriar said 100%. And Mikki as well. No sense taking to heart anything someone says -- especially a "stranger" someone -- when they clearly don't have your best interests in mind. In such a case, it's usually their own interests they're considering. And how can that possibly help YOU?
