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Strange BearsMy daughter is having boy problems......at age 6!!! We have at least 5 boys who "love" her but as silly as boys are at this age to get her attention they are literally attacking her at school and it is no longer funny. She has been pushed over, hit in the stomach, knocked over and pushed off the slide at school.
She has spent the whole of the lunch hour hiding in the girls toilets to avoid the boys more than once.
The teachers are aware of the problem and have tired to help but admit that with 5 boys after her she literally needs a body guard, they no sooner chase off one boy that another literally starts chasing her.
The school has a buddy system where they pair younger children with older ones. They have specifically given Lara an older boy and given him permission to enter the younger children's area to help her and even he was hurt but one of the younger boys while he was trying to help her. He has reported that the younger boys go way over the top.
The teachers have even reported the mates of the boys who like her are taking sides (to force Lara to choose their mate) and causing even more problems.
The situation would be funny but it has actually become dangerous and silly.
The mothers of most of the boys involved have told both the teachers and me that the boys do not mean to hurt her and one little boy was devastated to have hurt her and cried all night.
The teachers, other mothers and I have all tried different things to no avail.....Lara finds herself hiding in the toilets most morning tea and lunch times,,,,otherwise she is literally chased around the school yard, her girl friends have also been hurt, her Older boy buddy has been hurt and the situation is getting worse. The teachers have given lectures on "nice" play and handed out punishments, the boys have been at times banned from playing on parts of the playground etc.....nothing has been a permanent solution and as this has gone on for months .....the boys are not losing interest as we all hoped.
Sorry to ramble but I really need ideas!!!
bearhugs
BruinwerksOh my goodness, Sandra!
My son who is 11 went through something similar this year but it was a girl that was after him. No one would take it seriously because it was just a "puppy love" thing. She pushed and shoved him around and called him the most vicious names. There were also threats against him and he was terrified to even use the washroom. I honestly think she did have a 'crush' on him and was trying to get his attention but It was not a 'puppy love' thing, it was BULLYING and until we demanded action nothing was done. The girl was threatened with being expelled and her parents were brought into it. She was not allowed out at recess for 30 days and wrote an apology to my son. By that time, her attention turned elsewhere.
I generally like to allow kids to settle it on their own (with some guidance) and feel that the hysteria that some parents show is just ridiculous BUT...what you are describing has gone past the point of 'boys being boys' and I think you will have to demand that real action be taken. You should be able to feel safe at school and not be constantly looking over your shoulder and this could effect how your daughter feels about school for a long time.
I would plant myself in the principals office until these boys are removed from the playground and until they can behave like young gentlemen.
Again, just my 2 cents, but I feel for you, I really do!
:hug: :hug: 's for you and your little one,
Cheryl 
Time to fight fire with fire as they say.... if no other parent will own up to the seriousness of the situation it could get even worse. In my humble opinion you should enroll her in a true self defense course. One that means business and can save a life. This is no joke already. She needs to be able to protect herself : physically , emotionally and mentally.... and definitely not have to, or want to, run from any situation at any point in her little life. Usually if a kid or dog or any animal runs.... they will be chased all the more. It becomes a game....but... it can turn into a really ugly game...whereas, if a cat turns on a dog....even most dogs will get the surprise of their lives and/or most will not then attack.
Much as it is not nice nor should it be necessary, especially for a girl....but the world seems to be spiralling a bit in this area.... it was never great but is getting really bad now in the schools. It is the way the world is going. It would just be so much safer for her and also will protect her psyche if she knows how to protect herself. There will not always be a bigger boy there to save her and she needs to know it now.
In my experience, the bullies just don't know what it feels like to be bullied....sometime it takes a shoe on the other foot situation to remedy it..... like somebody to show them what a good push feels like....just don't get caught...lol................ Too often, as is already happening in your situation, the perpetrators are protected and have excuses made for them......but..... they tend to become even more ruthless as time goes on. Yes. it is terrible to hear....but.... it needs to be dealt with and sooner than later....I grew up in a pretty tough neighbourhood in a rotten little city.... My Dad got furious when us girls were bullied and taught us some street fighting techniques... it worked for me....and it is working for my extra tiny grand nephew too. He was totally bullied and hurt, refused to go to school..... was having nightmares ..... til all of a sudden...... Karate.. ...new respect.. he doesn't use it
unless somebody tries to injure him but once the kids know he can protect himself.... all of a sudden ...newfound respect and safety. I can imagine my little blurb will shock most mothers..but..... I am a pragmatist and happy to be one.
Posts: 8,574I find it interesting in our Politically Correct world that spent the last 35 years teaching kids in school that they are wonderful, can do no wrong, and that there are no consequences for just plain bad behavior that the teachers and principle have thrown up their hands and said essentially that they just do not know what to do.
How about suspending the little rugrats for really poor control and abuse of the girl? How happy will their parents be having to stay home from work?
The families and authorities need to remember that your daughter is not the culprit, not the cause and not at fault.
She is, in current parlance, the victim!
Your daughter should not have to hide in the bathroom nor should she have to put up with abuse. If the ADULTS are not willing to take the responsibility that they get paid for then you must.
Were it my family, i would file cease and desist papers through the courts including the boys and their families as well as the school authorities and the aurthorities over the authorities. If it happens again I would file a civil law suit and as well as police charges, assault and battery for the boys and their families and neglet and child abuse for the teachers and school authorities.
It seems the only things that matter and make people pay attention is something or someone threatening their bank account....perhaps if the school administrators recognized a law suit could be quite expensive and the parents recognized that they were going to loose money not working to take care of the problem, not to mention compensatory civil suit charges which could be rather expensive they will finally take charge, remember who the adult is and tell the little hooligans how the cow eats the cabbage!
And it wouldn't hurt one mite if this child of yours knew how to do a takedown, and imagine how the boys would feel if they were taken down safely by a well trained GIRL~!
And honey, if it is like this at 6 what on earth has she to look forward to in this overly permissive western society of ours?
She really does need to know how to protect herself.
It will to wonders for her self esteem too, to know that she no longer has to be afraid or hide in the bathroom.
When my hubby was a school teacher, very very very briefly, i would end up taking calls from mothers who were irate over on thing or another
No son of mine would behave like this!!!
To which i would say that I was terribly sorry, I understood better now, her son was an orphan.
Yes, frequently my sarcasm was not understood, but what the hay, its not always understood here either. :crackup:
Best wishes to your daughter, I hope you can get it sorted out soon
hugs
dilu
Have you talked with the school psychologist? The psychologist can give your daughter some tools to handling the situation. I can tell you from experience that bringing in a third party (besides mom and dad) can have a tremendous impact. If the boys aren't being naughty (by school standards) they typically won't do anything. And I am definitely not saying, from a parents perspective, that they aren't being naughty because your situation would piss me off too and I'd march right down to the school myself and complain. But sometimes when they school becomes passive in these situations it's time to take it on yourself and equip your kid with some tactics. My daughter is 10 and been in a similar situation but with a girl. It got to the point where I went as far as to tell my daughter to punch this girl in defense and I would talk to the principal if she got in trouble. She had my consent to fight back with her fists. I know that sounds terrible but sometimes you have to resort to that because other kids are overboard and you certainly don't want your kid getting beat up or bullied.
Past Time BearsMy goodness, Sandra . . . how awful for your little girl to have to deal with such an obnoxious problem. I really support the self-defense suggestion and talking to the school psychologist. The school administration certainly needs to be in control of this situation and prevent these kinds of abuses from ever happening in the first place or continuing after they've started. If nothing seems to stop the little boys' behavior, I think I would enroll my child in another school. I guess that's running from the problem, but so be it when my child's physical and emotional well-being is at risk.
Newcastle, OntarioSandra,
I would be absolutely livid if it were my daughter. I would go higher than the school itself. Get a legal letter written and send copies to the top people on the school board. RATTLE THE SCHOOL BOARD'S CAGE! Dilu's right - threaten them in their "pocket book", if that's the only thing that will get their attention!
Being aggressive with the principal and teachers wouldn't hurt, either. Demand that these boys be kept OFF the school yard when your daughter is outside, if another incident happens. I don't understand why the boys can't be told - If you bother Lara again, you will not be allowed outside at playtime - PERIOD.
Teaching your daughter some simple self defense moves and giving her permission to use them, is absolutely crucial. My daughter had a boy after her in grade 4, and he drove he nuts. I gave her my permission to squash the bugger, if she had the chance. One day, as they were lined up to go into the school, this boy was behind my daughter in the line up, and poking her as usual etc. It was picture taking day and she had hard soled shoes on and he was wearing sneakers. She lifted up her foot and came down on his foot so hard, he limped for days and never bothered her again. Funny thing was, her teacher saw what she did and winked at her! Problem solved.
Your daughter needs some real assistance with this - she is way to young to be dealing with this kind of bullying and that's what it is. Show a united front - have your husband go with you to the school and tell them enough is enough, or you will go the legal route. Sometimes an "in your face" approach is the only thing that works. Good luck and give your wee daughter a hug from me.
hugs,
Brenda
Posts: 3,540Yep....enroll her in a self defense class, one that she feels comfortable with, as different schools have different thoughts. It will do her confidence the world of good to know that she can take care of herself.
I understand that the boys love her, but how many parents have watched a child love a stuffed animal or baby doll, and then in five minutes they are trying to kill it??? Its wierd, but happens. I still think if your little one can fight back, even just to bring the pushing to a halt then so much the better.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil! :hug:
Wild Thyme OriginalsWhat an awful situation, it sounds like you are pretty upset about it, and rightfully so. I am a "playground monitor" at my daughter's school (she's also 6!) once a week, and I see this kind of behavior happening ALL the time. It sounds like your situation is a bit worse than the typical kid stuff I usually see. When we have problems like this on the Evemere playground, the first thing I generally do is to take the "victim" aside and tell her that she should stop running. If you're not running, no one can chase you. Sounds almost too simple, but you'd be surprised how well it works. Most little boys (or girls, as the case may be) are in it for the "thrill of the chase" at this age, and if no one is running, no one can be chased.
We also have a couple of children who have been repeatedly picked on or physically taunted, and those kids can choose to wear a REALLY LOUD whistle if they want to. That also stops bullies in their tracks almost of the time.
It does really sound like you should probably talk to the principal of your daughter's school. No one should feel like they are better off hiding in a bathroom at recess. 
Hope you are able to get it all sorted out.
Kim Basta
Posts: 3,540
Kim I REALLY like the ideas you put forth!!!
Bearz by IlzeHi Sandra, we had a similar problem when my son was still in primary school. He was terrified to go to school. I eventually called the principal of the school and demanded that they sort out the problem as I see it as bullying when a child becomes terrified and feels unhappy and unsafe at school. They agreed with me. What they ended up doing was called the kids in and had them discuss the situation with a teacher and the principal there to help. Each one had to say what he/she was doing and what they wanted to achieve by their actions......my son had to say how it was making him feel. The situation was sorted out very quickly and he was happy again to go to school. But I think you do have to get the principal involved. My daughter again complained to the teachers about the boys hitting and pestering her. My daughter gets very angry because all the teacher does is say in a nice voice "Please don't do that, Danielle doesn't like that". Like she says, what does that help? I don't even compain to the executive teachers any more, I go straight to the principal. It works!
Delartful BearsI was going to suggest the same thing as Ilze did. Go to the principal! That's where action can start to happen.
I am not a Mum, I guess I'm 8-10 years out of being in Highschool and I think the whole bullying ting has gotten worste since then.
I just hope it gets better for your daughter, it mustn't be fun for her at the moment. I did think the boy that cried because your daughter was hurt sounded like a cutie though LOL
All the best,
Danni
BrisbaneSandra what a terrible situation for your daughter to be in.....I know these boys don't mean any harm but thay must be taught appropriate behaviour even at such a young age. I think all the ideas put forward are good ones, especially the whistle and the self defence. If the principal hasn't been involved up until now then he/she must be bought in to the picture and if they have already been involved then perhaps it's time to go higher and involve the education department. It's amazing how many creative solutions a principal can come up with once the threat of going to the education department has been aired.
I think these boys should be removed from the playground until they can display more appropriate behaviour....is there a playground monitor that your daughter can play near or go to as soon as this starts instead of retreating to the toilets?
It sounds terrible but sometimes getting your husband involved and him going up to the school is often more affective (we tend to be tagged as hysterical or over re-acting) My son was being bullied a couple of years ago and until my husband got involved it just wasn't taken seriously....They can crack down on this behaviour but it sounds like all the teachers are taking the 'soft' options at the moment and not wanting to punish these boys as 'they mean no harm'
And unfortunately I think Sue Ann is correct, if a resolution can't be found quickly perhaps another school is in order?
On the flip-side...I would be furious if my 5 year old son was doing this to a little girl! We are constantly teaching him what is appropriate. Yes, boys are obsessed with bodily functions and saying gross things, hence..."boys will be boys." But there is still a line to be crossed and one of the lines is touching somebody else that doesn't want to be touched. Little boys (and girls) need to be taught at a young age not to invade somebody else's space. If the school came to me and said my son was irritating a little girl I would not only be embarrassed but angry at my kid.
That's horrible! 
I feel so sorry for your daughter. :hug: I was bullied myself, mostly by girls, so I know a little of what she's going through. . I agree that she should be taught self defense. I remember my brother was beat by one kid every day and the principal and teachers never made a difference. My parents finally told him to just punch the boy the next time. It worked. I like the idea of a whistle too. I would think that would be effective. Those boys should be suspended though. Or bullied themselves so they know what it's like. They need to know that behaving like that is unacceptable. At least one boy felt badly about it, that's good.
I hope this gets fixed.
Kim-Bee Bearshmmm... I would, as others suggested, get the principal involved, if that doesnt work, the superintendent (I would take your hubby along as well). The little boys are little boys but apparently were never taught that this is not acceptable. I feel so bad for your little one (this is happening to my niece as well and her mom told her to punch the boy if he started with her but I really think that would solve nothing but getting her into trouble or hurt)... They are also "ignoring" the problem and saying "boys will be boys" and "all children pick on eachother" but when it gets to the point of disrupting school or having your little one hide in the bathroom, it has gone far enough.
I am not, by any means, someone who would suggest involving a lawyer (I work in a lawfirm LOL) and I would only suggest that option if going to the principal or superintendent doesnt work (and by no means would I threaten the school with a lawsuit unless it was a last resort - adding "lawyer" or "lawsuit" into a conversation could cause a lot of tension - can you tell I've dealt with situations like this LOL)....
Hopefully things will get better and the silly boys will go off and play baseball and leave your little angel alone.... Good luck :hug: :hug:
Posts: 1,836Being on the receiving end of "little boys" and their "affections" I can honestly say that having the adults around the situation not getting complete control is almost as scary as the taunts and/or attacks. Your daughter really needs to know that this is not cute, fun, funny, in good spirits, playing or most importantly acceptable. It's wrong (period). It's wrong for her to being crying or to be alone and scared in a restroom. She is being punished for their behavior and at a much deeper level. The adage of "boys will be boys" is a total cop out. Boys will be boys when they're getting muddy, messy and tussling with each other...NOT when they are intimidating and mentally torturing a younger or smaller child. This isn't animal planet with the "trials of the pack" for God's sake.
This is bullying, especially when told not to do and they still continue. At this point these boys know that no matter what they do they won't see any real or significant consequences...none that matter to them anyway. If the other moms, teachers and officials can't get this under control insist that they get those boys OFF of that play yard. Instead of playtime make them sit at their desks and do extra schoolwork or clean the classroom until they GET that what they are doing is wrong. (can yah tell this doesn't fly with me?? )
:hug:
~Chrissi
Chaska, MinnesotaDilu writes: How about suspending the little rugrats for really poor control and abuse of the girl? How happy will their parents be having to stay home from work?
Duli has a point here....The school is not taking measures to protect your child. I think it is not a good thing to have another child "protect" another child. What it that!? That is unacceptable! Tell the school that. Have a meeting with the school principle, come up with an action plan ie: suspend those with bad behavior....
First let me start by saying I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this!
If I was you, I would request that the boys be handed out a punishment of having to sit in the restroom for one week full week at each recess so they know what she is going through every day. When kids start to lose their play time, they tend to stand up and take notice.
I agree 100% with what Chrissi said...the boys will be boys is a cop out and is only protecting the boys and not your daughter.
Where I live, we have a "No Bully Law" and the kids can get in serious trouble for being a bully or harassing other kids. It sounds like your situation has spun wildly out of control and its sad to say, but in this situation, you should possible file for a restraining order where these boys have to stay xx amount of feet away from her at all times. If you take this drastic step, not only can the boys be held accounable for their actions, but the school as well for not protecting her properly!
You daughter should be able to go out to play and not worry about these boys. She should be able to swing or play on the monkey bars with other little girls if she chooses to do so! Its not fair for her to fear recess time. All kids look forward to playing on the playground and your daughter has lost that joy!
Earlier this year, we had a boy who was harassing my son. He would say mean things, hit him, punch him in the stomach. The last straw for me was when he was standing in the line to get on the bus, not talking to this boy, not even facing towards this boy, and out of the blue, this kid ran up behind my son and pushed him in the back knocking my son to the ground. My son hurt himself in the fall because he was not expecting it at all. The school put my son on the bus and when I met my son at the bus stop, he was crying and told me what happened. The principle did call me right away and assured me that they would take care of the situation. The next day, the kid taunted my son that he didnt get in trouble at all. I was furious and contacted the principle. At that point, I had enough and told the school that if this boy ever touched my son ever again, I would file assult charges. We have never had a problem since. This child has been a problem for awhile and nobody ever stood up to him before, so he continued this behavior. My son and this bully are even in the same classoom and the school as well as the teacher have taken steps to keep them away from one another, and it has worked. The ironic part of this whole story, the kid that was harassing my son is now being harassed by the school bully! Earlier this week, he got a taste of his own medicine when the school bully popped him in the nose, knocking him to the ground and leaving him with a bloody nose. I guess what they say is true..what comes around, goes around. I wonder how his parents are feeling right now?? I wonder if they are as upset as I was.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation and I hope it is resolved soon!
Bear Hugs,
Kim
Matilda Huggington-beareWhen I was at school at this age they actually segregated us. There were three areas of play. There was an entire empty assembly field between the girl and boy play areas. I didnt realise it until I just read your daughters alarming
circumstance, that we were segregated for this very reason.
I empathise with you Sandra. I truely hope you can get it sorted out and soon. :hug:
Wendy
I agree with everything said by all others and would like to add - THIS IS NOT LOVE!!!! Out and out bullying and should be stopped immediately using everything available to end it
Good luck and let us know what happens
Hugs
Gail
Strange BearsThanks everyone for the support and we have done a lot of what you suggest.
1/ Lara has been doing martial arts for a year now but I;m sorry to say she won't use it on the boys.
2/ The boys have been punished and have has to sit out at lunch time more than once for a whole week.
3/ We have had numerous meeting between all the parents and the school principal and the teachers and all are aware fo the situation.
Believe me if I thought is was bullying I'd be up there with teh police.........so I really want to emphasis this is NOY bullying the boys really really do like her and DON't want to hurt her.
The problem stems from the fact that 5 boys are competing to get her attention and in competing with each other they are being over the top in getting her attention.........this is what is making it so difficult the boys are not out to cause trouble or to bully her which is why the school is not taking steps to punish the boys for bullying.
BUt when she was pushed of the slide Cameron was trying to get her attention and pulled her arm to hard, when she was punched in the stomach Zach was trying to play a game and got carried away and hit her.......this is the problem the boys are not being naughty as such they are just unaware of how to play softly.
Also when the 5 boys are all together with her they compete for her attention and that's when things get out of hand. This is why we thought the older boy might have some influence and get the younger boys to "think" about how to play with less force.
The older boy did speak to them and he also agrees that is not a case of bullying but he boys nto being "aware" of how strong they are in doing things with her.
Lara herself says she is not intimidated by the boys in being scared of them but that they won't leave her alone her "stop" when she asks them to. That they chase her and in her words "be silly" but she does like them all...which is also why she won't hit them with her martial arts.
So you see this is the real problem........the boys are not intending to be "naughty" or bully. They like her and want her attention they just don't realise they are being too rough and that they go to far in demanding she play "only" with them.
We have all discussed it and I agree with this assessment. The boys parents are not ignoring the problem either they have agreed that the boys have to sit out and be punished and the fathers have also had long talks with their boys and are very concerned.
We mothers have stood and watched in the playground before school and we have all snuck into the playground during lunch hour.
If it was 1 boy I'm sure the problem would have gone away but as it is 5 this seems to keep fuelling the fire with the boys one-man-upmanship.
So how do we get 5 boys to give up their crush is the question I suppose and no-one has come up with a solution. Although one mother suggested I shave Lara's waist length hair off......... 
All the boys seem besotted with it......it's a bit like Charlie Brown's little red haired girl.
Why make Lara look like the bad guy? Maybe that mother should shave off her own rotten little perpetrator.... and keep right on shaving it off til he learns how to behave properly. Maybe he would hide out for a bit because he wouldn't want to look silly.... one down ..only 4 to go.... or perhaps even something more ridiculous ..like making them wear their underpants over their other clothing if they can't learn to play nice. Always more than one way to skin a cat.
BrisbaneOh Dear Sandra...It does make it much harder when the boys are well intentioned...good luck with it all!!! :hug:
Posts: 1,836I don't understand this one and normally I'm the super even headed typed. (??)
Just quoting what is going on...your little girl has been : pushed off a slide (so she's fallen), punched in the stomach, knocked over, pulled and pushed. She's hidden in bathroom and been "attacked" to the point it's "no longer funny".
Maybe the boys will shed their little crocodile tears when your daughter has nice sized visible injury like a cast or internal injuries and can't play due to hospitalization from a fall or a blow to the gut-liver-and/or spleen ?? Maybe then it will stop.
I don't think it's a stretch to say that boys need to know right off that their infatuations or hormones can't rule their ways with females. Otherwise we're breeding a bunch of little men who think that smacking a woman around is all in good fun love. Of course your daughter is going to say she likes these boys and she thinks it's silly....she's 6 years old and probably wants everyone to like her and to like everyone in her class.
Maybe I'm nuts. But again I've BEEN that little girl. I've BEEN at the doorstep with a fat bloodly lip as a mother of a boy claimed it was my fault that her son full force punch me at a sledding hill. My fault for being a little tomboy with long hair who liked to play around boys. The funny thing is it didn't matter until the DAD got involved. Then this kid that punched me got it. His father wasn't going to stand for a son of his punching a girl...or anyone for that matter. But you've said these boys are already talked with their dads, so maybe it's just a case of wee ones imitating big ones...any of the other mothers looked bumped about? The other mommies getting little love shoves when daddy gets home maybe. 
(I'm sorry, this still doesn't fly with me, sorry )
:hug:
~Chrissi
PS...I'd be JUST as adamant if it was a girl beating up on a boy. The thing is no kid deserves to be physically injured repeatedly by the same child/children. I don't care what the excuse for it is. It's happened more than once with the same kids, it's intentional.
