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fredbear Fred-i-Bear
Johannesburg
Posts: 2,243
Website

I am sitting here being  bear_angry  bear_angry  bear_angry
Why is it when someone sees another person being successful the claws come out . Surely in life we should be pleased to see other people making progress.
I have tried in my travels with my bears to promote the bear industry, as if the bear industry grows we all get somewhere.

They say give with a open hand and you will then be able to receive back- give with a closed hand and nothing can be received.

Now I am over my kicking and waving arms tantrum,

Lynette

Judi Luxembears
Luxemburg, Wisconsin
Posts: 7,379

Lynette, I see your point.  And it does happen, unfortunately.  Just always know that you will never please everyone and those who bring out the claws are the ones who are not feeling confident or good about themselves. 

Here is a quote I really like from Mother Teresa, " When you are successful you will have genuine enemies....... never stop being successful".

Negative people emit negative energy and that, in my opinion, hinders one's ability to be creative and productive. Not to mention the health problems.

Don't let it get to you Lynette. Never let anyone bring you down.  Just keep on making your beautiful creations one lovely bear at  time. bear_original  bear_original  bear_original

Marlys Waggle Bears
So Cal Desert
Posts: 4,089

I'm sorry, Lynette, but some people just can't be happy when others succeed. I would say those people probably do not have your talent and are jealous of your success...and some people just like to stir things up. Easy to say, but don't let these people get your down. :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Aleta - The Silly Bear The Silly Bear
Portland, Oregon
Posts: 3,119
Website

We like to believe that everyone wishes us the best when we're at the top of our game.  However, as has been revealed, it just isn't the case.  I'm sorry you've been hurt by someone else's mean spirit.
bear_sad  bear_sad  bear_sad   

Warmest bear hugs,  :hug:
Aleta

Michelle Helen Chaska, Minnesota
Posts: 2,897

Dear Lynette: Just thank your lucky stars you don't have to live in the miserable body of the negative souls out there. As Judi said, when people put others down, it is usually to elevate themselves. Continue doing what you love and enjoy life.

Shelli SHELLI MAKES
Chico, California
Posts: 9,939
Website

Shelli Retired Help Advisor, Banner Sponsor

I'm so sorry you're in this place, Lynette.  I've seen a lot of ... interesting... things in this industry over the last few years that pretty much jibe with exactly what you're describing, so I think I know from personal experience and from first-hand observation pretty much exactly where you're coming from.

My best explanation for that kind of put-down, stomp on behavior comes from psychology.  People are so motivated in their behavior by FEAR.  You know?  And if they're feeling threatened or unworthy or insecure (all of which are based in FEAR) that's when you're likely to see those claws come out... or for my sons on the playground, when they're likely to see the bullies emerge, and so on.

Maybe it's just human nature, in its most primitive form, to react with gnashing teeth to a perceived threat.  Fight or flight... isn't that the way it goes?  The claws-out folk are the fighters. 

I've found, and maybe this is just me, that the more enlightened folk (not necessarily "smarter" or more educated, but more enlightened) are the ones that can really get behind and earnestly celebrate another person's successes.  They might feel a brief stab of hurt or a twinge of jealousy, but they'll recognize it as such and then move on to the bigger picture, which is, "Yay you!  I'm proud of you!"

I'm hoping that whatever it is that inspired your comments today, Lynette, is being offset in your life by a huge number of enlightened folks who are more than happy to shout, "Yay, you!" your way!

bear_flower  bear_flower  bear_flower

Daphne Back Road Bears
Laconia, NH USA
Posts: 6,568

Jealousy is an evil disease that affects the heart and emotions and shows just how weak and insecure and selfish that person really is. It's such a negative quality in a person but speaks volumes about just how uncomfortable they are in their own skin. It's also THEIR problem... not yours. Don't let it be. It simply means that you are successful and have achieved something others wish they could. For whatever reason they can't so lash out. But you need to be proud and confident of your achievements and keep on going. Letting this insecure souls get to you is letting them win.

I feel sorry for the maliciously jealous people out there.... sorry for their inability to achieve their desires, sorry they don't know how to be happy for others, content with thier own lives and sorry they are so miserably selfish and revengeful. All that negativity effects their emotional and physical health and their ability to function as a respectful member of society as you have experienced.

But it's nothing to take personally. The rest of us can see through to the truth and identify the over reactions of others. Hold your head high, be proud of your accomplishment and don't resort to misery caused by others... don't live in the world the jealous live in!

:hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

DebbieD Posts: 3,540

Although you see this behavior in every kind of business, I do think its a tad more distressing to have it come out in the teddy bear industry.  Afterall, we're in the business of creating unconditional love, which makes this sort of behavior seem that much worse.

A lot of great advice has all ready been given.  I'm a big believer in Karma....what goes around, comes around.  Better to put out positives and focus on your lovely creations than the few bad apples  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

And congratulations!!!  on whatever it was you've done  :clap:   Sorry I'm not up to date to be more specific, but have only popped in from time to time lately  :hug:  Sincere nontheless  :hug:

baggaley bears Baggaley Bears
UK ( nottinghamshire )
Posts: 2,192
Website

Lynette i am so sorry someone has hurt you and made you feel this way, some people can be so hurtful  :hug:  :hug: Keep making you lovely bears  bear_wub

Hugs
Vicki

chris009av Real Deal Bears
Posts: 2,234

I think Debbie hit the nail on the head.  I also have noticed it in other aspects through my life.  The thing is, you really don't expect it from the Bear industry, and especially from where you go for support and encouragement. 
Hang in there Lynette, and show them your above all that nonsence.
Just remember that there are alot of people here that love to see others doing well  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

Summer5 Pawssibles
Loon Lake, Saskatchewan
Posts: 571

For every negative person, I like to think there are ten positive people out there.  We all have lessons to learn in this life, so just be glad you're not that negative individual...lots of us out here love to see someone be successful and are proud of our fellow bear artists. bear_thumb

cherylbruinwerks Bruinwerks
Edmonton
Posts: 784
Shelli wrote:

I've found, and maybe this is just me, that the more enlightened folk (not necessarily "smarter" or more educated, but more enlightened) are the ones that can really get behind and earnestly celebrate another person's successes.  They might feel a brief stab of hurt or a twinge of jealousy, but they'll recognize it as such and then move on to the bigger picture, which is, "Yay you!  I'm proud of you!"

My DH and I have a saying " its just gonna take a little while to get my gracious face on" when one of us feels that stab of hurt or jealousy at someone else's success. The point is, you should always be able to find your 'gracious face'.
Sadly some folks like the ones hurting you, Lynette, don't find theirs.
Hard as it is, try to rise above it, my friend!

Cheryl bear_flower  :hug:

fredbear Fred-i-Bear
Johannesburg
Posts: 2,243
Website

A lot of great advice has all ready been given.  I'm a big believer in Karma....what goes around, comes around.
so do I Debbie.

Being ultra sensitive I do take things to heart,  being in business one has to raise above the pettiness of others. In business it is a big cruel world out there, however it is good to see that most bear people still have a good heart and its the one's normally who have succeeded that are the most generous.

I give all you above artists a  bear_thumb  bear_thumb no wonder you have succeeded instead of walking around with your heads in the air.

Lynette

:crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup:  :crackup: ( this is just the bestest icon and always makes me have a good laugh- so i share it with you all)

Jodi Falk Bears by Jodi
Gahanna , Ohio USA
Posts: 3,463

Just keep on Keepin on dear heart !!! I love to see others that are doing well, and I love to see others better than I am expecially with making teddy bears !! It gives me something I want to collect and enjoy at my house. I call them my happy things. So just don't pay attention, pray for them and let it go .

matilda Matilda Huggington-beare
WA
Posts: 5,551

Lynette my sweet, consider it a compliment. You must be doing something very right inorder to upset someones ego to this extent. Keep up the wonderful work. To me you're TOPS :hug:  :dance:  :dance:  :dance:
WEndy bear_thumb

Kelly Blondheart
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 289

I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know.  But I will say this, just because people make teddy bears doesn't mean that they aren't still competitive or that they even have to be a nice person.  It's a business just like any other. 

But you also have to remember that business's are run by people.  People who have other things in their lives than their business.  Maybe the person wasn't really jealous or angry at you, maybe they had trouble paying their utility bill that month, or maybe they were dealing with a teenager in trouble, or maybe a relative was sick or maybe... *insert crisis here.*  Maybe it wasn't personal.  Maybe your success just hit them when they were at a difficult point and instead of being happy for you, they thought why couldn't I have that too because from their standpoint they needed the money or the ego boost or just a win for the day more than they felt you did.  Sometimes it's hard to see someone get ahead when we are working just as hard.  I've been on both sides of that fence.  We don't always know what is going on in a persons life, their day or their mind.  Try to be forgiving even though they reacted badly to you, because I just don't believe that people sit around maliciously thinking of ways to make people feel bad about their success.  If that kind of thing bothers you and you want people to be considerate of your feelings, you have to be considerate of theirs and whatever they may be going through at any given instance as well.  Now don't mistake me for saying that you're not a nice or considerate person, I am quite certain you are.  But sometimes we get so caught up in our own excitement we forget about others.  Did you ask them why they behaved that way? I think it's the best way to find out.  :thumbsup:

Edit:  I also want to urge you guys to be careful about letting negativity breed...one person was negative to Lynette...how many have been negative to that person in return via this thread?  Food for thought.

shantell Apple Dumpling Designs
Willamette Valley Oregon
Posts: 3,128

:hug:   :hug:   :hug:

YAY for you Lynette in whatever it is you are celebrating!!  (I'm must be one of the "enlightened" ones...HA HA)

As far as people be mean spirited and jealous...there are plenty of them out there...you just have to have your eyes open and you can see it...it's obvious...they do it over and over again.  It doesn't matter if it's someone in the bear world or someone in your personal world (speaking personally here), it's a pattern they seem to fall into.

Hugs,
Shantell

Dorothy Miss Dorothy's TeddyFolk
Alpine Ca.
Posts: 85

Shelli, what you said bear_thumb  bear_flower
Dorothy

Kelly Blondheart
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 289
Dorothy wrote:

Shelli, what you said bear_thumb  bear_flower
Dorothy

I have been giving this a lot of thought since I first posted.  I stand by what I said, I think you have to consider WHY another person behaves badly before you just write them off.  But if what Shelli says is true, and I believe it is...that this type of behavior has become prevelant in recent years, I think I can see why.  I still don't believe one artist would maliciously sit there and think how can I suck the life out of someone else's joy and accomplishments. 

On the other hand, I blame the internet.  Things can be really misconstrued since you can't hear voice inflection and intent of how things are said and for some reason people tend to always take the most negative way something could be meant.  Maybe there is a certain amount of suspicion because you can't look the person in the eye.  But also there are a lot of artists now that have hardly done shows, and some have never done them.  They have learned the business very easily because there are so many resources available telling them how to make bears, how to sell on the net, etc. so they haven't had to work for it like their predecessors.  I get it because there is a much lower overhead to selling on the net so it makes good sense on the bottom line, but they are missing a large part of the business.  They haven't had to get out there and travel and bust their hump to earn it and build that common bond that socializes people into the community.  If you don't ever do shows you don't really have to learn how to interact with other artists and customers face to face.  So in essence there are no politics anymore because people don't have to build that rapport. 

The rapport you build online with people is simply never going to be as solid and intense as with someone who you have looked in eye and SEEN their joy or their pain in three dimentions where it was real, right there and you shared it in that moment.  Now I know you're going to probably disagree that the people you have met on here or wherever are very real friends.  And that may be, I have some good friends online in the community too, but as much as I like and care and want to support them, they just don't have that same bond as people I have seen at shows for years.  They share their accomplishments or their sorrows and you read it five minutes, an hour, a week, or several months later so you aren't there to share it in real time and it's hard to be excited when you are reading it in font. Like Shantell said above, congrats on whatever it is you're celebrating.  We don't know what you're celebrating because we haven't all seen it and it's hard to express great joy for you when I don't even know what it is.  So I am not as happy as if say Judy called up and said hey I got this or that and I am thrilled,  because I know Judy, I've roomed with Judy, we have great, funny "war stories" over the room disaster.   But that's also why I asked what was going on with the person who was being perceived as mean in their moment?  Do you KNOW the person who was being mean?  Was the person online when they said it?  Did you read it wrong?  If you didn't, did you care about their world as much as you wanted them to care about yours?  Do you have a bond with them?  Do you care about them enough to be hurt by them?  These are important questions.

When I recently went to San Jose I saw some people I hadn't seen in a few years and I was truly impacted by how much I had missed seeing those faces.   How much they meant to me, and how much they missed me too.  It was like I hadn't had to take the sebatical because of my shoulder issues.  I don't know how this whole new internet selling thing is going to turn out for me, but I will tell ya this...I wouldn't trade those hard years of doing shows for the world because you can't create that type of friendship that's built on the years of camaraderie over the blood, sweat and tears anywhere else.

Laure Fool's Gold Bears
San Luis Obispo, CA
Posts: 351

Sorry you have been the brunt of someone's ranting, Lynette.  I know that can really hurt.  As Shelli mentioned, this kind of thing seems to happen on the internet a lot in recent years.  It seems to be some kind of dark game to squash and tromp some innocent person with the greatest degree of nastiness possible.  And it's public, of course.  I think this "game" is mostly to give the perpetrator of nastiness a feeling of being some (sick) kind of celebrity in their own eyes.  I agree with Jodi's advice to pray for the person and let it go, and Dorothy's footnote says it all; the faith, hope and patience of love, in the end analysis, never fail.  Keep on keepin' on, girl!  bear_flower

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