Teddy Talk: Creating, Collecting, Connecting

Haha!      Yes, "eyelids" was one of the topics that ended up being closed here, maybe even deleted -- I can't remember the specifics.  Chrissi reminded me of this yesterday in her posts. 

It's not the subject matter that causes trouble on forums, ever.  It's the absolute inability of people to talk respectfully when opinions differ.  It's the fact that it's just too hard for people to agree to disagree.

That's why placing rules around what "should" and "should not" be discussed on forums -- beyond the obvious, I mean; we can't talk about child pornography, for example! -- is foolish.  Hot topics emerge from every corner.  It's not about controversial subject matter; it's about people, behaving controversially. 

TT could become a forum only and entirely about teddy bears.  But... Would anyone visit?  The General Discussion area is the clear leader in terms of posts and popularity.  If we eliminate the "chat room" aspect here, wouldn't we lose 80% of what makes this place great?  And, too, let me just point out:  It's not called the "General AGREEMENT" area.  And there's a reason for that.

Let's not rehash the eyelid thread and the reasons it ended up being closed, though.  K?  If you don't remember it or know what we're talking about... good.  You got off easy.  lol...

It's always so easy to blame one person, one post, one comment when threads go south.  And when people cause offense -- purposefully or accidentally -- it's so easy for them to take ALL the blame on themselves.  Interesetingly, some people here seem to think these problems are purely a TT phenomenon, and/or that they are the fault of a flaccid and ineffective management team.  WRONG!  This stuff happens on EVERY forum, and the whole phenomenon has been written about and studied extensively.  The real truth is that it's the COMBINATION of people, posts, and comments, at a particular point in space and time -- and not a problem with subject matter, Teddy Talk, or the people who run it -- that push these things to closure (or deletion)... and along the way, push people into being their worst, yuckiest selves.

I wish the internet allowed more context -- that posts came with visual aides -- because honestly, that would prevent about 98% of all hard feelings.  I swear.  If Dilu hadn't jumped to the conclusion that Paula, Kelly, myself, and "all the HAs" here at TT were somehow addressing HER when we described our personal fear of discussing politics and religion -- as just one example -- she'd still be here, happy, today.  If she could step outside her feeling of betrayal and offense and remember that, largely out of respect for her and at her urging, we set up a lovely "Bearhugs" forum -- which, let's be honest, is basically a prayer room (a forum that doesn't just allow, but almost encourages, religion on the board) -- she'd feel more accompanied than abandoned.  If she recalled something that, as an Advisor, she knows so well -- that sometimes, people aren't responding to posts that precede their own, but are writing stand-alone comments about nothing but themselves -- she'd never have posted a goodbye note here.  But so these things go, when context is missing, and conjecture and reactivity take hold.

Pfffft.  That's how I feel about this crap, on days like today.  So much drama, and all of it, totally unnecessary.  At every step, good people who meant well were just trying to be a part of something, and mistakes were made, and then kablam -- the whole things implodes, scattering human shrapnel in its wake.  And, seriously, really, and truthfully -- nobody is actually the bad guy.  there is no one bad guy.  There are bad INTERACTIONS.

In truth, if I'd really been paying attention and had carefully read the posts that preceded my own instead of talking off the top of my head, directly replying to Paula, I could have probably intuited that if I wrote about "never discussing religion" following a post about religion, someone might think that what I was saying -- even though I wasn't remotely saying it! -- was that people shouldn't discuss God on this forum.  Something which, for the record, goes against every stance I've ever taken here, publicly or privately.  I LOATHE the word "should."  We'd all be better off it it were stricken from the English language.

But for crying out loud!  Just how much is every person supposed to contort into a pretzel, in order to predict, forecast, and accommodate what an entire WORLD of other people MIGHT interpret?  It's a kind of crazy making, I swear it.  Can you feel my exasperation, today?  And besides... Just how committed to "never discussing politics and religion" could I have possibly been, when I blathered rapturously about hope regarding our new president?

On forums, people say things.  They shoot the s**t.  They feel they're gabbing, surrounded by friends.  It's a false environment, in truth. 

Still, they don't post to forums thinking their every word will be microscopically examined and then embellished and enhanced and even misinterpreted or contorted, after which their words and person are associated with happenings on FaceBook or MySpace or eBay or the planet Mars, none of which have to do with ANYTHING being written about.  (sigh)

We are all of us who participate, when these thing become disaster zones, guilty in one way or another of somehow contributing to the ATMOSPHERE  that created the explosion  that began from one tiny spark, that was probably inadvertently set off by someone who had no idea they were doing so.  So I'm just absolutely determined not to paint any one person as the wrong doer here; I think we all could have done better.  But once it's all fiery and yuck, all that can be done is to retract, restate, clarify, apologize.  Which Pam has so expertly and sweetly done; you're an inspiration, Pam.

When that's not good enough, though -- when people insist on embracing indignation instead of contrite and sincere apology -- what they're choosing is so unnecessary, and such a waste!  In those emotional moments, they forget that most people never mean to offend or anger with their comments.  They forget who those people really ARE.  What their character is made of.  How real friendships had been formed, that in an instant, will be lost.  It's just absolutely, positively, stupid, if you ask me.

I tell ya... today, I feel like saying, "Honestly.  Why can't we all get along?  And until we can, would you people just chill the f**k out?!?"

And for Pam:  Thanks for the props.

Pam, I was all about empathy for you yesterday.   :hug:  Been there, felt that, myself.  So have many others here at TT, and not just advisors or particularly outspoken members, but people who, because of timing or topic, just found themselves having somehow "stepped in it" when "stepping in it" wasn't remotely their intent when posting!! 

It was abundantly clear to me, yesterday, that whether people agreed with your content or not, you were simply trying to join the with the TT community and share in the spirit of the conversation, and share your own hope and joy.  Unfortunately, the topic of conversation itself proved too challenging for this forum to handle.  Many other topics have proved the same; "eyelids" being a particularly unexpected one, as Chrissi already mentioned (I'm still laughing about that one, Chrissi. lol...)  There's no need to single out yesterday's circumstance in describing the ubiquitous forum phenomenon of "topics too hot to handle."  There have been hot topics here many times before; hot topics emerge on almost every forum I've ever visited; and hot topics will show up again, here, and elsewhere. 

Pam... None of that is about you.  What happened yesterday is not your fault.  It appears to be human nature that when buttons get pushed in cyberspace, people unravel -- on all sides.  All of which leaves me hoping that, as a species, we'll evolve. 

Quicker.  :)

Similarly,  it's abundantly clear to me, today, Pam, that you are simply trying to explain you meant no harm or offense with your comments, with an attached visual to really drive home the point that you felt "trapped."  I see you and I get it and I'm sorry you felt that way. 

You seem gracious and humble.  And you're really, really brave.  I know you don't post here much and went out on a limb yesterday, so it must have felt particularly yucky to see things get so tense.  There is the instinct, in those moments, to flee and hide, I know.  Kudos to you for not rushing to delete your comments, and especially, for the character that led you to start this particular thread. 

Nobody is the bad guy here, people.  We're all just doing our best, and every last one of us makes mistakes.  Yesterday, mistakes were made, and I can point to a huge number of people who participated in that thread, myself included, who, in hindsight, were guilty of making them -- even if inadvertently and innocently.  No one person, opinion, or comment purshed that thread to closure.  It was the community as a whole -- its dynamic -- and its inability to discuss differing opinions with respect, that dictated that outcome.  Which, to my mind, is really, really sad, because really good people on every side of the circumstance were injured, angered, or scared off in the process.

Anyway... I appreciate your attempts at mending, Pam, with such a large global community.  You're one brave chica, and even though I hardly know you at all, you've earned my solid respect.

My glasses make me sick, too.  I need them to drive or watch TV across the room, but when I try to read, they make me nauseous because farsightedness is setting in.  At this point I can cure it by simply taking the stupid glasses OFF, but that only works for so long as I'm looking at stuff no farther than 2 feet away. AARGH!

In any case, your bunbun is darling, no matter what the visual struggle to finish him.

Wow, that's a cutie!  I love needlefelting too, but it takes so much time...

It had my vote; I'm glad to hear it passed.  Haven't checked the Prop outcomes yet this morning.  Off to a good start with this news!!  Thanks, Tami.

Just sent an eMail!

What a fantastic treat today, to hear from you again, Laure, and with the bonus of seeing one of your precious, precious bears.  I'm also of the "been there, done that" crowd, and am sending you all the love, support and sisterhood in the world.

Hugs and warm wishes, friend.     

PS  Can we come see you and your wares?  Give us some info about those monthly open houses, or if you'd rather not post it publicly, please send it to me via PM!!

I've already had tendon release surgery, some years ago, unrelated to bearmaking.  My bears are big enough to machine sew (12 - 16" usually) and my hands get so white-hot tense in the same way they used to feel when I had tendinitis, that it's a total no brainer for me to machine sew my teds.

I do hand-sew the pawpads, whipstitching the edges to set and secure them before taking them to the machine to attach permanently.

If I made very small bears I don't see how I could machine sew as even some of my bigger pieces get gnawed by the machine.  Which is one of the reasons I don't make small bears. !!

Brenda -- It's funny you call "Plum Pudding" burgundy because on my monitor it's purple, purple, purple -- and a very cool-toned one at that!  We knew people's monitors would differ in how they display color and what looks good on my end might look like vomit on yours (lol).  I'm glad that one works for you even if not exactly as we intended!

It's kinda fun to change things up, isn't it?  But it's also sorta disorienting, like someone moved all the furniture around!  I'm sure it's just a case of adjusting, with time... :)

"Teddy Bear," in case it isn't obvious, is the default option.  It's what everyone sees, when they join here.

I was the one who designed the darn things when TT first began, but even so, I often forget that we have DISPLAY options here!  I've almost always used the "Teddy Bear" colorway, but today decided to mix things up a bit and I'm using "Peony," which features pinks and greens.  It takes some adjusting, because the tones and contrast are different, among the various options.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to the colored menu bar near the top of the screen and click >PROFILE, then >DISPLAY.  In the dropdown menu, you can choose from a whole bunch of color options for viewing the TT forum.

What DISPLAY option are YOU using???

Hey, Daphne... thanks for the nice compliments.  :)

Mel, if you need suggestions or have questions, let me know via PM.   I'd like to be a part of a card swap myself.

OH!  OH!  I did Chrissi's pretty cranberry/candle centerpiece thingie last holiday season, in Bell jars, and it really was so pretty...

I dabble in graphic design in my off hours, like Jane, and in fact just this week received from various printshops all the paper stuff for my new branding -- hangtags, business cards, and Certificates of Authenticity.

I'm also all about the ATC.  I trade at www.illustratedatcs.com, mostly, but also on www.atcsforall.com, and am also a member (not active at this time, simply due to time constraints) at www.mailartworld.com.  This is a triptych I painted in watercolor a month or so ago, which was split into three separate artist trading cards.

Well, this was easy to find.  I actually posted it here on Teddy Talk before!  God Bless the search function.

Here 'tis:

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This recipe, being from a restaurant, makes FOUR tarts.  Yes, FOUR.  It's super easy to mix up and if you want to cheat, like I do, and use frozen crusts, you can literally have all four pies in the oven and baking in about 20 minutes.  It's incredibly good served warm with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream.  Yum yum.  And it freezes beautifully; just thaw and eat. 

Wowie!  Wonderful pictures, Laura.  Looks like it was a great show, with so many beautiful bears (and beautiful artists, too.)  I love to see those smiles.

Thanks for posting these for us to enjoy.

Ooh, I have an excellent recipe for pie that comes from an East Bay restaurant:  Eulipia.  I nabbed it from a friend who eats at the restaurant; she'd eaten it there and some years ago, the restaurant published the recipe in the local paper.  Since it's a restaurant recipe, it actually produces four large pies from the one recipe; that's how they make it there, so quantities aren't reduced for single pies.  You've got to make all four!!

If you like Kahlua, chocolate, pecans, and yum, this one's for you.

I'm heading out the door but I'll try to grab it and post it later today.

And by the way... you ARE crazy, woman.  Yeesh.   

HeeHee!  I love the silly faces on your bears; they're so cute!

US Bears, I could be talking outta my butt here, but I'm pretty certain that when you use eBay's "official" Second Chance Offer option, eBay does those calculations for you.  I've never used it myself, I admit.  But I do know that Second Chance Offers are supposed to be made exclusively through eBay, and I believe they originate from the non-pay listing itself.

I also know that, technically speaking, if you offer a listed eBay item to someone outside the confines of eBay, you're violating their TOS.

So I think the inflated price concerns are probably handled within the eBay system itself when the Second Chance Offer is made.  It's not left to the seller to determine the "correct" Second Chance price, I don't think.

I'd love confirmation on this, however.  Anybody know for certain??

These are absolutely adorable wee ones.  I'm sure they'll be snatched up in a heartbeat!

Hey, Lynette... Just noticed your new photo, under your avatar.  What a wonderful, bright smile; you're more lovely than ever!! 

Dayung!  Congrats to Kelly and to everyone who appears in these issues.  Can't wait til mine arrive!

My bears have huge eyes which I've always coveted.  Unlike them, I have little, teensy-weensy bat eyes; tiny little dot eyes, and blonde eyebrows and eyelashes.  God bless mascara!  I think my bears have the innocent, child-like wide eyes I wish I had.

Beautiful pictures, everyone, of incredibly beautiful bears. Wowza!

Wow, how fun!  I don't know Art at all but his work is so cute, original, and inspiring.  I'll bet the two of you had a great time.  I'm off to check your blog now... !