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Posts: 285I've recently got back into making bears. I'm not great at it, but many of the bears I've made have gone to good homes. I made them with faux fur and button eyes so the cost wasn't a big deal to give them away, and it was wonderful to get the experience in creating and making the bears.
Now I have three people who want to buy custom bears from me. I'm okay with that. I need one in May and the other two don't have to be ready until June. I have two gift bears that have to be ready in July. Plenty of time...the problem is that my in-laws want to spend the next several months at my home. Okay, it's not continuous...they would be "coming and going" until September. They use my sewing room when they visit. It wasn't really a huge deal at Christmas when they parked themselves here for six weeks, but now that I've got orders to fill (it's really nice to say that 
) I really don't have the time, patience, or desire to "work around" them...if you know what I mean. Hubby feels obligated because they are his parents...but does that obligation carry over to me as well?
My husband does not get along well with his mother at all. Christmas was hell...the only truly happy time we had was when they left to visit other relatives. Hubby tolerates his mother for his dad's sake. We love his dad...and it's sad that he gets tarred with the same brush as his wife...but I feel that he could and should stand up to her because he knows how disruptive she is but allows it anyway. Not just disruptive to us but others as well. This woman never calls anyone to let them know that she'll be dropping in on them..she just shows up "to surprise them". She doesn't handle stress very well, so no one has stood up to her. I'm actually afraid to talk to her because my anger and frustration is bubbling away just beneath the surface...so hubby has been in convo with his parents.
So am I being unreasonable for wanting to put my foot down and say "NO! You can't expect to use my house as a hotel because you simply can't stay home!"? The in-laws left at the end of January and my family breathed a sigh of relief when they finally pulled out of the driveway 
. How should I handle this situation? I know "you do for family", but I already did earlier this year.
The Littlest ThistleOh dear! I love my parents dearly, but if they moved in for several months I'd kill them! We even get on, but there's a sufficient number of things they do that would drive me batty... Whilst I can understand staying a week or two to visit you, or if there were some great emergency, like the roof fell in on their house, then maybe a little longer, however I think several months is utterly unreasonable! I think your husband needs to talk to his parents about it (so that you don't come out as the 'bad guy' that's insisting they can't see their 'child'), especially if it upsets your whole family.
Good luck!
All I can say is that I sympathise! Not an easy situation.
Posts: 108I think the best thing to do would be to sit down and nicely tell the in-laws that the situation with them staying at your house for so long is stressing you an awful lot and that you simply cannot handle having 'guests' for such long period of time. Be honest- but make sure to tell them as nicely as possible. I know they're family- but the fact is that them staying for such a long time IS stressing out you (and your family)- and sometimes you really need to put yourself and your own well-being first.
Hopefully you can come up with some compromise, maybe only having the in-laws staying from summer- until Sep?
Wishing you good luck!! 
desertmountainbearI live very far from my parents. A couple of years ago they came to visit me. I asked my mother many times how long they were planning to stay and she would say "Oh were are going to play it by ear." Apparently they were telling the rest of my family 2 months. I think my mom knew two months was going to be too long for me. Finally after a month she told me it would be another month. At that moment I told her no. It was very stressful having them live with me. She was angry, but didn't say a word, they left the next week. They have a very nice home in cold Pennsylvania. I have a warm home in Arizona. They were looking for a winter retreat.
I would never again in my life let visitors stay for longer than 2 weeks unless they were homeless.
It is your sanity and your home. If you don't want them put your foot down and tell them. You have the right to say no!!
Joanne
BeauT BearsReally, I loved my inlaws very much, they were lovely people. Unfortunately they passed away quite a number of years ago. But to be honest, the thought of invading into our home uninvited for an unknown period of time, disturbing our privacy, more or less claiming our lives without even thinking or asking if that suited us, never would have crossed their minds!!!
I must admit I was slightly amazed to read your story and no, I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I thought guests usually are people you would like to stay with you; the next step is that you invite your guest(s), but in your case it looks like your guests simply invited themselves without even making a proper reservation 
Hi dear, here we are then! We'll take the large guest room, all right? Poor you!! To me this situation seems rather confronting, almost like living in a kind of war time scenario, your own home being taken from you without you being asked. For your own good, now and in future, it would be best I think to have an adult talk with your 'guests' and tell them that, although you love them very dearly this doesn't automatically implicate your home can be used by them as a comfortable and financially interesting hotel any time they feel like it. You don't owe them an explanation about the why if don't want to. If they are really strong people (and from your description I think they are) they could use your arguments as a starting point for a discussion in which counterarguments will soon be given to prove they have every right to stay in your home whenever they want. Remember, it is your home and you shouldn't have to defend yourself or present any arguments why you don't want them to stay with you unless you invite them yourself . I hope you can find the strength and calmness to tell them, together and with the support of your husband of course. It should be clear to your inlaws that you and your husband share this opinion. That you are a team, that you are on one line, the same line. Without your hubby's support it will be a lot more difficult. Fight! Go for it. And take a few deep breaths before you start 
:hug:
Posts: 285Thanks everyone!!
I wouldn't mind if they just came for two weeks and then were gone. The thought of my mother-in-law invading my home from the end of next week and hovering within a one hundred kilometer radius until September scares me...just showing up at my door whenever the mood strikes them.
The funny thing is that if my parents said they were coming until September, hubby and I would be thrilled. The atmosphere is so much different. Unfortunately my folks only visit once in a great while and only stay for a week.
The thought that you are even considering it tells me you are a very sweet and kind person...but don't do it, that much time could end up a disaster, keep your sanity and your family happy...JUST SAY NO!! Lots of hugs, Susan.
Fulrfun BearsLet them know that the sewing room is just that - a sewing room - and you have a business to run and orders to fill. Offer them a blow up mattress or fold out futon or something in another room (perhaps the living area) and who knows they may lose the desire to stay too long. Seriously though a very difficult situation and while this is what I would love to do with some of our visitors the reality is that you end up doing what they want and going out of your way to make it even nicer for them. Good luck with the whole thing.
bingle bearsYou have every right to say "No" to them. It's your home, your family, and your business. I must admit I'm not sure why they want to visit you with an open-door policy until September--that's more than most anyone's patience can stand. I don't even know why they would ask.
If your husband feels like he just can't say "No," then I really think you should utilize Clare's idea. They can come to your home, but they cannot stay in your sewing room because you have a business to run. They can sleep on the living room floor on a blow-up mattress or something.
Good luck! It's such a difficult situation.
Warmly,
Cheryl
Braille TeddiesWow, all I can say is God bless you and my prayers are with you.
Belper, DerbyshireI like the idea of making the 'hotel' just a bit less comfortable - the blow-up bed in the living area, which has to be cleared away each morning, and their stuff packed out of the way during the day.
Alternatively you could say 'we're busy, but you could come and stay for such and such a week in July, and possibly over such and such a weekend in August'.
While you need make it clear to them that you have your own family life, and they can't just usurp your home when they choose, you really need hubby to do the talking, otherwise you will be branded as the wicked daughter-in-law.
I wish you all the best, I know how difficult parents can be, my 83-year-old mother lives with me, and I have a well-bitten tongue! 
cheers,
G
How about just telling them that you are sorry but it just isn't convient at thie time...
Posts: 285How about just telling them that you are sorry but it just isn't convient at thie time...
That's the direction I'm headed! Sounds simple enough...right?
i feel with you ...
but if i where in your position, i would make my man clear, i say no
he can pay them for a hotel room if he has to ... but no way someone stays for longer then a week at my home !
but also, it downt matter if you say it or your man, its your fault anyway :P
so talk to your man, tell him how you feel, and hope for his support 
Chaska, MinnesotaWell Here is what I would do....I would have a sofa bed in the living room and make sure before they come to let them know that the living room will be their new "bedroom". Say, I " have a business to run and need unlimited access to my sewing room". Say how much you would love to have them (be very genuine and enthusiastic about it) Say you and your family will be sure to be very quiet in the morning if they should want to sleep in (of course I would be as noisy as I want if they should decide to sleep on the sofa). I would make sure to stay up very late in the evening watching TV in their "new bedroom". Any hint from them saying they are tired and want to retire would be met with "just after this movie is over we'll let you get your beauty rest". Doing those things with the up-most sincerity and hospitality will make their "visit" short and sweet if not at all. That is what I would do.
Some tips:
-When buying the sofa bed, I'd make sure it is very uncomfortable (tell your husband you'll take care of buying the sofa. No need in having and argument with him over the comfort level for his parents). Make sure the mattress is good and thin. True Story: Mike's relatives stayed with us and I made sure they had a horrible bed to sleep on. That was the one and only time they stayed with us. Every time they came to town they stayed with the other brother. It was a Win-Win for everybody!
-If you love your existing sofa and do not want to replace it with a sofa bed, I highly recommend the blow up bed/mattress. Target, Walmart has them. I would make sure it is plenty wide for two but not to wide too be too comfortable. In this same vain, I would conveniently hide the power pump and rightly hand over the manual pump to them at bed time. Bid a fond "goodnight", leaving them to prepare they bed for the evening. (Now if it were my Micheal's relatives, I would hide both manual and power pumps. I would suggest to his brother that he has a lot of hot air to blow and he should get started on blowing up his mattress. Seriously, I would tell him that.
-You could rent a fold up bed. Those war very uncomfortable with thin mattresses. That is a nice option for you fold them up and shove it in a corner during the day.
Hope this helps.
The Littlest Thistle*Makes mental note never to get on Michelle's wrong side That was an ingenius solution!
Chaska, Minnesota*Makes mental note never to get on Michelle's wrong side That was an ingenius solution!
Katy you are too funny. I do like to be helpful!
Braille TeddiesOh my word, Michelle, so wrong but so funny. Hahahahaha.
Creative Design Studio (RKR4CDS)*Makes mental note never to get on Michelle's wrong side That was an ingenius solution!
Oh you naughty GURL, Michelle - Passive/Aggressive, just like Me!! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
Dances With Teddy BearsReading through this thread brings back some not so pleasant memories. It happened to me all too often. I'd then get angry at myself, for being a wimp, but never them. I wanted to say NO, scream NO, but felt I simply couldn't. Well, I should have. And would today.
Even buying a sofa bed is putting you out, taking up your time and your space.
I know how hard it'll be, but stand up and say NO, you can't stay here.
Or tell them to bring a tent, 'cause they're staying in the backyard!
:hug:
