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Cleathero Creations Apr 18, 2006

My friend just lost her baby boy, He was born Friday and died for no apparent reason 3 hours later. 
I am wanting to make her a bear, an angel bear with blue accents and maybe putting his name on the foot.  Any other suggestions would be welcome as I don't want to hurt her any more then she has.
PLease help

Dilu Apr 18, 2006

What a lovely idea ,Bronwen.  And I don't see how a lovely bear could hurt.  Most ladies who loose their babies are placated that they are young- they can try again- it was all for the best.

But a lovely bear with the wee ones name is a sweet and simple message to her that you understand and you are terribly sorry. 

Most people don't want to acknowledge the loss, or the childs name and that is so hard for the new parents, as that child was so very real to them and to have him dissappear and never be mentioned is just adding to the pain to be bourne by the poor parents.

I think its a wonderful idea, and support your thoughtfullness wholeheartedly!

dilu

Eileen Apr 18, 2006

Bronwen, this is a lovely idea!

Dilu's right. Most people will pretend it never happened, or that it doesn't matter that much, since the baby was so new. Others just don't know how to help. You'll give her something to hug, and you can't do better than that to show how much you care.

Poor lady. How awful. I hope she finds some peace soon.

Eileen

starlite Apr 18, 2006

How devistating for your friend   
I like the others think your idea is lovely and so very thoughtful
I hope for your friend that she manages to cope with her grief and find peace
Anne

SueAnn Help Advisor, Banner SponsorApr 19, 2006

Oh goodness . . . what a tough loss!  Very thoughtful and caring of you to make her a bear, Bronwen.

DebbieD Apr 19, 2006

I dunno, I've never been through the grief, but having made bears for cancer fighters, I've found keeping the bear large, and the embellishments simple worked the best.  I should think she'll need something to hang onto and hug and simply do a LOT of crying over.    

I think you're doing something wonderful for your friend....  :hug:

kbonsall Apr 19, 2006

I am sorry, Bronwen  :hug:  and Erin (I didn't know, dear  :hug: )..... I am the type of person that wants to help but dont know how... I just can't figure out how to help or what to say, I don't like people to feel worse.....

I think the idea of maybe a cheery bear would be good....

WildThyme Apr 19, 2006

Oh how devestating that must be.      I'd say that the best thing you can do is to let her know that you are there if she needs you... some people want to talk about it, some don't.  There is certainly no "proper" way to handle such a devistating loss.  You'll just have to take your cues from her and just BE THERE for her if she needs anything.  I'm so sorry.

Kim Basta
Wild Thyme Originals

Amanda Apr 19, 2006

As said, no hard and fast rules. Play it by ear and go with what you think. :hug:  Not much help I know....

fredbear Apr 19, 2006

Ohh Bronwen, just make a bear, no angels wings, no names, just a happy little bear. She will be far too sad, and will cry her heart out no matter what, but at times a cuddly bear, will be something she can hold and cuddle. I would give it to her maybe in about two/three months time, not immediately.
One thing, please do not tell her, she is YOUNG and WILL HAVE LOTS OF TIME to have more babies. This baby is so very real to her and will always be a special child, no matter how many other children she will land up having, so no one must ever pretend that this is not the case.   
She will have to cope with so many things, in South Africa, every birth has to be registered, every death has to be registered, then you have to have the burial service. You also have your body changes, you have breast milk, you have to go home and face an empty room, the baby clothes.

Sometimes, these things do happen for a reason, and we do not know why, I have asked this question over and over.  I speak from my own personal experience, had my daughter lived, today she would have been turning 35.

Lynette

Judi Apr 19, 2006

Brownen what a devastating loss.   You are dear friend to want to give her a touch of heaven with a special bear.  My only advice would be to make it from your heart....you can't go wrong when it comes from the heart.

doodlebears Celebration AmbassadorApr 19, 2006

Hi Bronwen¬! This is a lovely idea. I made the bear below for a lady in Australia who had lost her little girl. Maybe this could give you a few ideas. The bear was named Emma Rose after the little girl.

Hugs Jane.     

Cleathero Creations Apr 19, 2006

Thakyou for the help.

It is a very trying time for her and I wish I could do more.  I have offered all I can in the way of support, she has 2 children and I have said they can be dropped at my place any time day or night.  She can chat to me if she wishes too.  I have made that perfectly clear.

I just don't want to be one of those people who don't acknowledge the baby even existed.  She is so strong dealing with all the paperwork and everything else with grace whereas I would be a blubbering mess.  Anyway Thankyou again all ideas are taken on board and Jane the bear is delightful something to look at.  I may get a locket to go with the bear so if she wishes she can place a photo of the bub in there.

Carolyn Green Apr 21, 2006

How very sad Bronwen, for your friend and all that she is going through.
She must be so thankful that she has such a kind friend helping her and how lovely that you
are making her a Bear.

Hugs
Carolyn